I felt so stupid, which only added to how wretched I was feeling.” She just wanted an, “ I’m good, you?” kind of response. See you later.” Pamela explained ruefully, “It turned out that the person asking didn’t really care. Pamela replied to the question with an honest accounting of her lifelong battle with the blues, only to be met by an uncomfortable laugh and abrupt, “Yeah, life is rough. My patient Pamela’s* experience with being asked “ Are you okay?” during a dark depression led to a different but also disturbing reaction. Brandyce, who is an empowerment coach recalled, “’Are you okay?’ is a question that was asked more times than I cared to count…” The constant reopening of her wound lengthened the grieving process because she felt it important to give an honest, emotional answer, no matter how much doing so cost her. Last summer, for example, Brandyce’s close friend and mentor committed suicide. Sometimes people-even casual acquaintances-are genuinely interested in hearing what’s going on with you and sometimes they aren’t looking for details they’re just being polite. The thing is, when you’re feeling down or in the midst of a personal crisis, responding to someone who greets you with perky, “ Hi, how are you?” can be a difficult question.
In my practice as a therapist, I’ve counseled many people over the years who are working through life’s less shiny moments.
